I don’t think I am hot. In fact, I think I’ve never been ‘hot’. Some time ago, I could say that I wasn’t at all in shape. Nevertheless, I still thought of myself as attractive. And believe it or not, I could find girls with ease. Was it because I was more unconscious? Was it that I was funnier because I didn’t care that much? Or was it the booze that allowed me to open up without paying much attention to so many details? Maybe I had fewer social filters. But that was then. Now, even though I receive casual compliments here and there, I don’t get the attention I once used to from the opposite sex. Of course, I’m in a couple now, so I probably don’t give out the same vibes. But the truth is that physical appearance and fitness didn’t play a huge role when it came down to meeting women (it had some effect but not a huge one).
Think about it. How many of us have been attracted, tempted, or even been unfaithful with a partner that is less attractive than the one we already have? Why is that? It’s the attention we get. It’s the fun and the carelessness of it all. Right?
My girlfriend is super-mega-hot. She is not the high maintenance type, but she is a magnet for the eyes of men and women walking on the street. Yet she doesn’t think she is ‘hot enough’. She eats right and is very conscious about what she consumes. It’s as if she had a microcomputer in her head, and a nano screen in her eyes, constantly processing information about the food she’s about to eat. She makes me take the freaking stairs all the time. She works out; she walks fast; she even parks far in the parking lots in order to walk more. She has incredible skin, big eyes, enviable hair, and a divine shape (ok ok, I’m gushing). But the point is how her reality is so different from what I’m telling you right now. She’s always claiming to be too heavy; she always thinks that she has gained a few pounds and that her clothes never look as good on her as they did before.
There is a fine line between being attractive and annoying. How many of you have resented your own partners for being ‘hotter’? Do you feel that you have the right ‘shape’ now? I see so many women and men, who were already ‘hot’, become less attractive in their quest for the ultimate physical appearance. They lose their curves and become way too skinny. And all that without considering the effects of makeup expenses, nails, hair, and the worst thing: Bitchiness.
At some point, the search for ‘hotness’ becomes frustrating. So, obviously, people chasing this elusive state become moody and unpleasant to others. I notice the attitude of these entitled little bitches and douche-bags thinking they’re better than everyone else, while, at the same time, also feeling very lonely. No one meets their standard of beauty; not even themselves.
On the other hand, when we see people who are physically attractive but are not in what I call “the search”, they tend to shine. They are fun, they smile more, they look at your eyes when they’re talking to you, and they are an absolute bliss to be around. Those are the people everybody wants to look like. They are the ones who initiated the quest. Isn’t that ironic?
Next time you look at yourself, please look at the entirety of what you represent. Maybe, you are ‘hot enough’ and all you gotta do is maintenance work. Maybe, you do need to gain or lose some weight. In the end, all you need to do is to be mindful of the level of hotness you already have. You don’t need to be skinny, or muscular. You just need to be you in your best shape, starting now. Be consistent and as I said before: start small. All the while not forgetting some very important things, like: smile, be mindful, and enjoy yourself instead of admiring others. It all comes down to this: nice and interesting always trump ‘hot’. Being a nice and interesting person means that you make the time to be a better lover, to go for cafes and taste different things. These are the type of people that make us happy. After all, we love people for the way they make us feel about ourselves. So, be authentic. That’s the new ‘hot’.